DISQUS

Sunny · 9 months ago

I was pretty lucky, my parents weren't this way with me. In fact I think it was the other way around. I wanted to take piano lessons, so they sent me to some and bought me a piano. I lost interest later. lol Oops!

Amy LeForge · 9 months ago

Sunny I was equally blessed. LOL on your poor parents and the piano! I hope it was eventually put to good use.

My thought regarding Sarah's article: I agree that parents shouldn't interfere to the point that they're driving children on a path they don't want. However, I see nothing wrong with setting some guidelines or standards. For example, if they sign up for a sport they're not allowed to quit in the middle of the season. You have to stick with your commitments. That sort of thing.

Speaking of pianos, we're insisting that the boys take a few years of lessons. I've never met anyone who regretted knowing how to play, but I know plenty of people who wish they'd studied longer. Once they have a decent foundation they'll be allowed to quit or change to another instrument. I don't feel bad about being pushy on this point, because it's a foundational thing. Hopefully the boys will understand that when they're older.

Crissy Barrios · 9 months ago

Amy,
I agree with most of the concept except that I too belief that the kids need to have a well rounded background in alot of fundmental things too. My kids are not harmed by making them take and do a few things that they would rather not but understand that they need to see and understand other things going on around them. If they ask to so something and decide later that they don't want to do it. My husband and I let them know they can't just quit in the middle of a season, session, or activity just because they find it boring especially if they chose to do it to began with. I really like your topics lately and just don't have the time to comment on some of them. Keep up the great work.

Sam S · 9 months ago

i know a parent who tries to control her children too much. one of them became a drug addict.

Gerard · 9 months ago

I prefer to guide them gently in whatever direction they feel like going. I've always maintained that as long as my kids grow up happy and balanced, then I'll be happy with that.

We encourage them to go into things like swimming classes and dance as much to socialize with other children. Perhaps more than excelling at those activities. I would hate to think that I was nudging my kids into anything they didn't like.

Amy LeForge · 9 months ago

Crissy that's pretty much how I've seen it thus far. :) Thanks for the encouragement! I know you're pretty busy yourself.

Sam S, ohhhh how sad! If my kids were honestly unhappy with something, then I wouldn't insist on continued involvement past the initial commitment. Case in point: the boys have opted not to do soccer or football this year. They want to try martial arts instead. Fine by me, and they've gotten no argument. I am insisting they continue with piano, though. That will change when I feel like they've got a solid enough foundation, perhaps in another year or so.

Gerard, I hope that I'm being gentle with them. I think what you said about balance is key. In our case, we're balancing the activities that I want them to do with some of their own choosing.

If they were seriously unhappy with Scouts, for example, we'd let them quit. They do complain about having to go to meetings, but they haven't been in the new troop long enough to find out how much fun they can have. So we wave off the complaining and keep taking them. I think once they've had a summer of camping they'll change their minds. If not, then we're not going to force anything on them.

Prabhubhakti · 9 months ago

Ask the kids who have been through it for some eye-opening stuff

register company philippines · 9 months ago

i think parents should always guide their children in making risky decisions, coz the parents might have experienced the same situation. But too much guiding often will mean dependency of the kid to their parents. So i guess its better to balance the guidance. Coz learning from mistakes is the best teacher a child could ever have.

Mortgage Loans · 9 months ago

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Amy LeForge · 8 months ago

Prabhubhakti, I'm sure there are horror stories out there. I hope yours isn't one of them.

register company philippines I agree. Balance is so important. There's a teaching strategy called "scaffolding" in which the teacher gives lots of help and instruction at first and gradually pulls back the support as the child learns the skill. I like to think that parental involvement can be scaled back in the same manner.

Mortgage Loans, Thanks. :D

Employee leasing · 8 months ago

I am lucky my parents are not like this. They let me do what I want provided that I would be responsible with every action I will make. They love me and trust me so much. In return, I do everything that makes them happy and I will not break their trust. I love them so much.

KY's Commonwealth Eye Surgery · 8 months ago

"And so we have pushy parents who force their kids into playing sports they have no interest in, taking up activities (like music, dance or arts) that they don’t like, and studying hard to become a doctor or a lawyer even though their heart is in some other field" are obviously not good but parents have the right to say not to drink too much or not to go to pubs late night or driving the car slowly.

Thanks
Cathy

Sick of My Parents · 7 months ago

Yes! I can definitely relate to many of these pushy parent scenarios. My Dad is more laid back, but my Mum has always been strongly neurotic and interfering and unfortunately you are right it is all about her, even though she thinks she is helping. I am successful on the outside, as is my sister, but I have a very weak sense of identity and I often lack confidence because in many ways I have never had the chance to really explore who I am. I think the hardest thing for me growing up was coming to the difficult realisation that my parents are actually quite needy, and often don't have my best interests at heart. I try to be mature in dealing with them, but it hurts that I have to act like an adult, sometimes like the adult, whilst they find it so difficult to listen and respect me when I assert myself or explain what I need. I just hope I won't be this way if/when I have children myself.

Grandpa Murf · 3 months ago

Good site on a needed topic. As someone who is "on the other side", at least in terms of having regular influence on my three children (they are 27,24 and 21 and have given us 3 g-kids). I grew up in a family with parents that were loving and provided well for our basic wants and needs but where, in my opinion, too hands off and easy in helping us as children make choices and enforcing "positive discipline". In hind site, I found myself as a freshman in college lagging both academically and in athletics and it took me a few years to catch up. On the up side, I believe that my parents did model perseverance in a way that became my vehicle to catch up and in some areas excel over those 4 years.
Helping your child find things that interest them and encouraging them is only 10 percent of what it takes to raise kids that become successful adults. I would hope that most parents would see that as the goal instead of “successful children”. Modeling and enforcing the discipline to work hard, be consistent and not to quit will ensure that they have a chance to be successful in anything that may become their passion and/or their vocation. Too many parents get caught up in trying to find what interests their child instead of teaching core behaviors of long term success. The overall ease and comfort of our lives today have made it become more of a conscious effort to look for and make the time to instill these core behaviors is. The reality is, is most children tend to be attracted to what their good at and if you just let them to only try and never commit, they may never excel at anything. Most people can excel at several things given the desire to. As parents, you have the opportunity to influence and help guide your children in defining and developing their interests and passions. The challenge as parents is to seek and exercise truth and wisdom in how to balance ease vs. discipline and freedom vs. structure and short term desires vs. long term goals. The secret is to start with simple lessons as soon as they can understand and to grow up with them.

Amy LeForge · 3 months ago

Employee Leasing, you are truly blessed to have a happy relationship with your parents.

Cathy, excellent point. It's so hard to find the right place to balance those two things. But important, nonetheless. I also think that it's different depending on the child. My older boys need a lot more pushing than the younger ones do on their schoolwork, but the younger ones I need to push to do social things.

Sick, I hope that you find the strength, peace, and success in the future that you deserve.

Amy LeForge · 3 months ago

Grandpa Murf, may I be so bold as to say I love you? Excellent comment! Thank you so much for taking the time to share your wisdom! Your comment came exactly when I needed to read it, so I am also thankful for that. I was feeling bad about being tough on the boys even though I know they need it. Your words are very encouraging.